How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Courtesy DMV

So...I dropped my wallet when exiting a car with my hands full...about 8 weeks ago. When I finally figured it out and went back to grab it, the wallet was gone.

I don't care too much about the sixty or so dollars that was in there...but that identification was valuable in a way that is only now becoming fully apparent to me.

 I have needed that driver's license in order to spare myself and others a major dilemma when trying to get to Arizona. Plane, train, bus...none of these "normal" options would work. I considered hitchhiking, but apparently motorists have taken to checking identification and asking for fingerprints prior to offering rides (except the ax murderers...they will still take your word for it).

Arloin finally had to rent a car to come and pick me up 900 miles away. (Yes, she is insane...but also a snappy dresser and fabulous singer of Spanish folksongs....at least I think they are spanish...because I heard the word Taco a few times).

I need this driver's license to be employed, it turns out. It is crucial to prove identity, citizenship, and that my license photo complies with the universal DMV "scare small children" rule. In order to get my license replaced, I need a Social Security card. That was in my storage unit, which was recently repoed by the storage unit police and then auctioned off to a tuna fisherman named Sebastian.

In order to get the Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

In order to get the driver's license, I need a Social Security card.

In order to get a Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

In order to get a driver's license, I need a Social Security card.

In order to get a Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm awake.

 Anyway, when I finally DO get my driver's license somehow, I am going to proceed to drive directly through the local Social Security Administration office with my intermittent wipers going, yelling something about Tacos.

They probably won't let me into prison then, without a Social Security card. They will probably deport me to Mexico...where you can't get in without a Dairy Queen Blizzard punch card, which was also in my wallet.