All around the playground

Deep Deep Introspection and Crap

Ooger Boobies

Why Yes. Ooger Boobies is a good name for a rock band. Or perhaps some kind of North American songbird....

Leave it to the male photographer in the bunch to get a shot like this.

Nice going, Randull. I think "Jo Boobies" should be the headliner. hee hee

Oogers and Jo play well with others...

...and each other. Okay, that sounded weird..as you can see, Olga does indeed hage breastestess...quite lovely, really...

Oklahoma rock wall

Just like other parts of oklahoma, only more rocky and stuff.

yet more photos from Oklahoma

jo's everywhere...thanks to Oogers and Randull.They spent lots of time making me get in strange poses...
Again, stranger than usual...

Uhhhhh....no.

What's the plural of y'all.?

All you all.(of course...)

Think I will avoid this look.

Leather and a Big Truck

More promo shots...thanks Oogers...I actually kinda like these shots...weird...

So Sad About Eddie..

Ooogy and Randull allowed me to set up a room at their home in Oklahoma City to go to when not in Broken Bow. This was still in the "setting up" stage...and it looks like Eddie Bauer visited and then exploded.

.Working on the promos in Oklahoma

Oogy and Randull were kind enough to take me out to an oil field and snap some pics in an effort to provide something presentable for a press kit or packet for the cruise line. Seeing these reminds me that I had actually recoverd part of me during this time...more than I had seen in quite a while.

I had lost my wide blush brush and used an applicator that clowns often use to apply their makeup. I hope people will still accept me overall as a human being.

Oogers...

My high school best friend came to visit. Her name is Olga. Yes, I'm not kidding...She was another high spot in the whole experience in Oklahoma. She also wasn't deep fried. Well, at least I don't think so.

Jo backing up...

It's okay. There's nothing to see here.

Move along. Move along.

Attempting to look cool. I think I pulled something...

Well, here is the very start of some photo assembly for the promo kit...

Like many people, I don't do well with the pics of me. Can't tell what looks okay and what doesn't...

So feedback is welcome, unless you are one of the mean people in my life who will suggest I just drive off a cliff or something.

High Seas Lesbians?

Thanks to a wonderful friend who totally believes in me and enjoys my music, the Olivia Cruise Line (lesbian cruises to Alaska, Mexico, the Carribbean, etc.) are currently waiting for me to send in a promo packet to consider me for on board entrtainment. I would be hired to play...and get to cruise for free.

Needless to say I am a little bit enthusiastic about the idea, and assembling the promo packet now. That can be a challenge with no income, but I have friend and family support out there. I will get it done. The photography is already taken care of I think, and I will post the new pics when they are ready...

The biggest challenge will be to get "The Dyke Radar Blues" transferred from cassette to CD format without losing quality. I will need a professional to do that...if anyone has any resources in terms of connections to a studio or anything, let me know.

It has been so long since I have done this. I have to get a large set list together and ready, and will be practicing daily again. I just love this, and had forgotten how much. The guitar was a good investment, although it cost more than I anticipated with my exe's wrath. But I can't control that...

Even if Olivia doesn't hire me, I am going to play gigs again. Music is too much part of my fabric, and I have been idle for too long. My brother has extended an invitation for a potential tour with him this autumn. He is a talented songwriter and musician...all the way to Florida, but I would LOVE to spend time with him and HIS music for a while. He mentioned something about having the chance to play with Don Henley/Tom Petty's drummer (REAL MUSICIANS), so it could be a real growth experience for me. Another doorway to consider...

This serves to remind me that things can happen for reasons that may not be apparent at the time-especially when change is forced and painful. My healing has been slow and agonizing. I STILL miss my ex spouse and the good parts of the life we lived together...even though our interactions now are painful and frequently hostile. We both have taken things from each other, and the wounds are not ever going to completely heal...like attempting to put the dirt back into a hole once dug...never quite fills up again. Our interactions fluctuated between understanding and caring to savage and brutal...both of us...and it stalls recovery at times. I have managed to love again...trust being hard to maintain for certain. I don't trust many anymore... 

But life goes on...and it is... and I am grabbing it...

No Rest For The Weary

My ex partner and biological parent to my daughter saw that I purchased a guitar...and yes, I did indeed find it at a Pawn Shop and spent what little I had on it...to try a last ditch effort at salvation...peace...mental health...

I guess I was supposed to send that money to her although she makes several times what I did (tax free)WHEN I WAS WORKING and I am currently in such agony that I can hardly function. This guitar might literally save me, as I really wish for death at times right now...and have nothing to turn to but what calms and centers me. I HAD to have a guitar to even have a chance here...at wellness... 

and she was sure to tell me how worthless I am, and that others have made it through much worse than this. Yes, that last part is true...and if I hear from one more person the other sentiment, well...I may have to surrender to that....

I fucking surrender.

But she DID generously gave me the option of relinquishing my parental rights to my daughter, or going after me with state child support-which means when I finally get ready to resume my career, I will be so in arrears that I may as well never even work. They will attach my wages to Kingdom Hall Come. She has to pay the payment on her new RV somehow.

I have not had any real parental rights, and they have been gradually eroded ever since she started school anyway. Piece by agonizing piece. I gave them away without a real fight, as lawyering up seemed beyond my capability...

I cannot parent this little girl like this. I guess Pam can now exclude me from her life entirely, as I told her to send me the fucking papers.

I am not going to make it through this. I am just not.