End of Life and Fire Alarms

Yesterday morning I went to work, and I was told at about 9am that one of our residents had taken a sudden turn for the worst. I had been working with his daughter for some time, trying to set her up with Hospice services because her father wanted to die at home. She was torn as to whether or not she would be able to care for him to the degree that he needed it, and we all tried to warn her that the potential for pretty grisly symptoms was a possibility at the end...

so she had made the decision to have him stay for a while with us to see if he stabalized some before going home...

This woman has been coming to be with her father daily, while also attempting to balance being a business owner. She has been in tears in my office several times. Very touching, as real as it gets...

So this morning with the news that his passing was a possibility (it is impossible to predict with any certainty) I called her to tell her she might want to come in. She broke apart on the phone...I asked if I could call clegy for her and her father. She told me that would probably be a good idea.

I opened the phone book, and was faced with a huge variety of churches I could call. Not familiar with which church followed which practices (he was non-denominational...) I asked around-with the awareness that having someone show up handling snakes and speaking in tongues, or sacrificing chickens might not be the best thing for them. I found United Church of Christ and called, getting "Pastor Lynn" on the phone. This woman was so kind, and had experience with Hospice before. She was at the facility in 7 minutes, and just pulled a chair up next to our resident-and just started talking to him, holding his hand. When the daughter arrived (after I am sure breaking the sound barrier to get there) the pastor held her too.

Several hours later, I saw the nurse and an aid go quickly to his room. When they came out about 10 minutes later, they both looked at me and shook their heads-he had died.

Not that this is in any way about me-but from my end, it was one time when I felt like I had been able to help in the smallest way. My phone calls have previously come after the fact. This time I was able to facilitate bringing people together at the right time, and it was a good thing...as good as it can be given the circumstances. Seeing her say "daddy.." and lay her head on him when she arrived...when he was still there...

The Twilight Zone of facility work came after the fact. Our fire drills are very loud (ringing, buzzing, scurrying looking for the fake fire whle grabbing extinguishers) and usually are a surprise for everyone. In this case I heard murmers before the fact. I approached our maintenance director to let him know that we had a family in with a recently deceased resident...hoping he would delay the fire drill until at least after the funeral home had come. He told me I should go warn the family.

So I did. I had to tell the very fragile daughter that there was going to be a fire alarm, and the doors were all going to shut quickly and dramatically. So, there she was a few minutes later, trying to go through his drawers and and carefully fold his clothes with shaking hands, her father still in his bed...and then she is surrounded by "DING DING DING BUZZ BUZZ SLAM SLAM"....

I had to just cringe.

She was very gracious considering. Our nurse secured her an order for some anti-anxiety medication before she left, and she hugged us until it was hard to breathe.

It is strange how the absurd and the odd can become almost normal in this kind of environment. We can have residents singing "You Are My Sunshine" in the main dining area with guest musicians on an organ, while our Alzheimer's woman is yelling down the halls "I have to go to the bathroom! I dropped my pillow! Son of a biscuit!"

I wish my desk chair had a seat belt. Or at least a wander guard.

"Honey, will you register me?"

Governor Signs Wa. Partner Bill

by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff
Posted: April 21, 2007 - 1:00 pm ET

(Olympia, Washington) Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire signed into law Saturday legislation to give gay and lesbian couples some of the rights that come with marriage.

The domestic partnership bill will create a domestic partnership registry with the state, and provide enhanced rights for same-sex couples, including hospital visitation rights, the ability to authorize autopsies and organ donations and inheritance rights when there is no will.

To be registered, couples would have to share a home, not be married or in a domestic relationship with someone else, and be at least 18. Unmarried, heterosexual senior couples would also be eligible for domestic partnerships if one partner were at least 62. Lawmakers said that provision was included to help seniors who are at risk of losing pension rights and Social Security benefits if they remarry.

Gregoire signed the measure Saturday morning in the state Reception Room in front of LGBT civil rights activists who had fought for passage of the law.The bill passed its final hurdle earlier this month.

In January during Senate hearings a woman whose same-sex partner died as a result of flooding s month earlier told lawmakers that she had difficulty getting into the hospital to see her dying lover. In emotional testimony Charlene Strong told how partner Kate Fleming got trapped in the basement studio where she ran an audio company. As the water rose she was unable to open the door to get out. Rescuers finally broke through and rushed Fleming to an area hospital.
But at the hospital Strong was told told she could not be with her dying partner of nearly 10 years because she was not a relative. Finally officials relented when a family member interceded. Fleming died moments later.

Even as she tried to plan Fleming's funeral Strong faced roadblocks. Strong told committee members that if they had been an opposite-sex married couple, or had civil union rights she would have had no trouble.

Last July the Washington Supreme Court upheld the state's so-called Defense of Marriage Act that limits marriage to opposite-sex couples. The court cited the argument that marriage was designed for the procreation of children. (MY NOTE: by this logic, if a heterosexual couple was known to be unable to biologically conceive, should right to marriage be denied them as well?) But the court noted the legislature could overturn the law or amend it to include gay pairs.

Gay and lesbian couples denied marriage licenses filed suit in 2004. Two lower courts ruled that the state law barring gay marriage was unconstitutional and the the high court heard arguments in the case in March 2005.
©365Gay.com 2007

Blame it on dough boy

Crunches. I must do crunches.

I be lucky...

I have a lot of love and support around me...and really couldn't ask for too much more. The rest is just up to me. As the Indigo Girls wrote "..the sweetest part is acting after making a decision..." I have a few loose ends and lifestyle changes to get on...

Nicole and I think we are going to move up to Alaska next summer. Domestic partnership just became legal in Washington State (our rainbow 'equivalent' of straight marriage), and we can only hope that Alaska will be on this gadar screen in our lifetime as well...those who oppose this kind of equality will look like total idiots in twenty years or so-much like those who opposed racial Civil Rights look like something on the bottom of someone's shoe...

Nicole liked Alaska, and thinks we could make a decent living up there-and I do have a support system in lifelong friendships...perhaps a few professional connections as well...

Lewis and Clark State College was closed Wednesday due to "credible security threats"...Lewiston High School was closed as well...terribly sad and scary. Coley and I watched "Bowling for Columbine" again. Interesting thesis. If there are guns in other countries at about the same frequency as here, and they have the same movies, and video games, and rates of poverty, and racial diversity...then what is the unique thing about America where we had over 11,000 gun related deaths in 1995-but other similar countries numbered in the HUNDREDS? If that....and the disparity continues...what is it? It seems to be a culture of fear? Fear of everything-things in our food, consumer product recalls, the weather, hot tub drains, wild animals, falling and not getting up, wrinkles, identity theft, blah blah blah...and especially fear of each other and difference? I don't know if that is it. It seemed to be Michael Moore's suggestion. Our media has created this cultural element-not to say that things like identity theft aren't real...but we are fixated apparently, and encouraged to be. People in Canada-even those who have been burgled-aren't terribly concerned about locking their doors for fear of the raper coming in. They just don't fear each other like we do. Of course, you don't have the Canadian whack job killing people like we seem to repeatedly have. Then again, these aren't events that occur very often-but looking at the American media, you would think every school had kids with guns...it is like focusing on the plane crashes. Quite vivid, and they do happen. The likelihood of it happening to any one particular flight is almost not worth mentioning....still....

I am babbling. Babble ON!

I will not fear my toothbrush or my blender.

What?

Thanks so much to you guys for responding to my feeling down and such with encouraging and uplifting comments. Mean people suck. That is my highly informed opinion. I wish I could take all of the wonderful people in my life and just have them with me at all times. Me, me,me...it is all about me.

Nurse Ratchet, why oh why don't you work in the nursing home I do? HUH?

Horse no cents

Hi all. I'm not in a ditch or anything. My bubble was a bit deflated about posting for a while after I had another unpleasant comment left...something about being too tired to post because I now have the joys of knowing what "real work" was. Such a completely arrogant and condescending remark...completely unprovoked...left me feeling pretty icky about the whole blog thing for a bit. For the record, I must say that "real work" involves much more than clocking in and out or lifting heavy things, and teaching fully amounted to "real work"...I have worked many different kinds of jobs, and am grateful for all of the experiences I have had...I have played music, worked fast food, bagged groceries, loaded and unloaded airplanes, been a security guard, been a student, worked a liquor store, been a social worker, and taught college (to name but a few of the things I've done)...what I am doing now is no more or less "work" than anything else...exhausting and depressing at times, completely rewarding at others...something I think most of us are familiar with. That anyone would find it necessary to spread unpleasantness speaks way more about them than me...just kind of got sick of it. The big eye roll, I suppose.

Overall, life is too short to entertain folks who insist of gathering hard feeling around them.

So I took a break from the blog.

But, I have accumulated some pics. Thought I would share a few. Little C is taking riding lessons, and it is a lot of fun. I am actually learning something as well! The lady who teaches just likes kids, and has a wonderful set-up...she is very patient and teaches things in a way that is crystal clear for the kids...lots of creative language and hands on stuff...not to mention the smiles. Little C is gaining confidence. My next step is to get her involved in 4H and associating with peers who will reinforce the interest. Then we can go to some of the shows and events...I will purchase a horse from the instructor if and when the time comes for that, and we will board closer to home. This is if Little C wants to pursue trail rides or shows on a regular basis-otherwise the visits to "Crazy Tomato Ranch" will suffice. Good clean fun, lots of smiles...

Mom and Dad came to visit, and that was terrific. I am eagerly awaiting the pictures. I let mom do the photography, as it is her official job during all family gatherings. They even went to one of Little C's riding lessons, so there will be some great shots I am sure. We had a fun visit-went to see a movie, shared some meals and good conversation. Coley joined us for some visits too, and it was overall pretty terrific seeing them. Little C was thrilled, of course-got to show Gramma and Grampa how much she has grown. Her favorite phrase of late (after the "actually..." period) is to say "apparently" before sentences. Apparently this, and apparently that. "Apparently the horse like carrots..."

I'm still working. (REAL work)..still in love, still planning and dreaming together. Still struggling along with the bills and the ills and such is life etc etc etc...but trying to make sure to notice and appreciate the good in the everyday of it. LOTS to be thankful for, and easy to forget sometimes under the weight and grind of daily obligation and routine.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Hello residents

Well, I am employed.

This is good, and I am grateful.

But....

I am working as a Director of Social Services in a nursing home. It is the first "for profit" kind of organization I have done social work for.....ever....

It is a bit different than the non-profit sector in terms of goals and philosophies. It is an organization in the health service industry, and yet they do not provide medical coverage for their employees. I am a department head, and yet I do not have a computer provided for me. I write correspondence to families, to other agencies, and I am constantly writing social/psychological histories, reports, and summaries...and yet I do not have a word processor or printer. Employees provide their own, and then apparently pay for the ink cartridges to print out work related correspondence and reports.

The job also involves working directly with people who are completely dependent, often in pain, suffering from dementia, fear, hopelessness, and depression. A typical day will involve helping residents cope with loss (of family, friends, mobility, function), and also dealing with family members who are understandably overwhelmed and distressed. I do intakes, assessments, administer mental evaluations and depression scales, do social histories, set up care conferences, set appointments for residents, deal with all issues related to behavioral problems (anger, wandering, exit seeking, smoking, striking at staff or other residents, sexually inappropriate behavior, terrors, delusions)...and this is all done with the assistance of a single part-time social worker who will not be available in the summer. The biggest single time consuming task is charting and doing these things called "MDS's" for Medicare, which involve filling out a form evaluation and then writing a summary of varying detail at 5, 14, 30, and 60 days, as well as quarterly and annually, creating behavior/mood treatment plans, and charting (narrative form) each and every interaction with each and every resident.

In previous jobs, I would have 45 minutes to spend with a client, and 15 minutes of accompanying paperwork. In this job, it is exactly reversed. This is hard for me, as what I really want to be doing is spending my time with the residents-and finding ways to make them smile. It does not require much to brighten an otherwise gloomy day, but in order to be involved in that, I need the time to go to them.

Still, there are some wonderful things.

There is the developmentally delayed little old lady who rolls around in her wheelchair all day. She rolls by my office, and in her little tiny voice yells "Hi Jo Jo!" Back and forth, all day long. She comes into my office for pretzels and hearing aid batteries. I have to make sure she eats the pretzels, and not the batteries.

There is the WWII veteran with no legs who likes M and M's. I keep them in my office, so he searches me out daily for his allotment. As I am dispensing the candy, he tells me the EXACT dates of his military service, and all major events related to it.

There is Tenacious J. She is suffering from an assortment of mental conditions. She is adjusting to the loss of the previous Director of Social Services, and testing me out a bit. She will roll to my office 7-8 times a day, and make a variety of demands. "Go see if my laundry is done." "Find my bracelet." "Run to the store and get me some teddy bears of assorted colors." She is usually grouchy, but I have managed to make her smile every single time she comes to see me. Humor works with her. It is truly amazing how if I have my heavy pine door closed (trying to do paperwork), she manages to open it and roll right on in. She makes me smile too, although sometimes through gritted teeth.

There is the wonderful woman who has had five strokes, and has lost her ability to walk. Our physical therapist (who has the bedside manner of a bull in a china shop) has informed her she will not walk again. This woman will not hear of it, and has been dealing with this news with anger (at him) and denial. Her husband is with her every single day, and rubs her feet, feeds her, holds her hand, and generally fusses over her in a touching and tender way. It warms my heart, and pains it at the same time.

There is the 72 year old man who was an active and vital manual laborer before having a stroke 2 months ago. He is Mr. Macho, and dealing with the loss of function and resulting dependency is terribly difficult for him. He gets so frustrated because he can't recall words, and has lost function on his dominant side. He has to speak slowly, and can be difficult to understand...and deals with his frustration by exercising the emotional option left open for men of his generation...ANGER. For someone with speech difficulties, he manages a pretty crisp and clear "F^#K OFF"...

There is the guy that reminds me of Paul Newman. He was obviously movie star handsome as a young man. He still has the thick snow white hair, and piercing blue eyes. He is always smiling, and those blue eyes are completely full of mischief. The nurses have to watch out. He has a bit of dementia, but could still convince you that the sun goes around the moon...

Mr. Negativity is recovering from several surgeries. He has post-traumatic stress from being trapped in a structure fire as a young man. Our facility has recently undergone inspection with the fire-marshall. We conducted a number of fire drills and system tests (alarms going off a lot)...when the alarms sound, the magnets holding our THICK solid wood doors release, and they all slam shut...he is normally bed bound-but in those instances we have to get him down from the ceiling...

Anyway...

It is a colorful place to work. I am learning a whole new skill set, and I am hoping I will be able to make a positive difference for these people and their families. I can see that it will be challenging to navigate the organization itself-and I am not working with the tools or resources necessary to do the job as it really needs to be done-but I think I will find a way. It will be good for me. The lack of medical coverage alone assures that I will be moving on at some point (probably after Coley finishes at WSU), but I think I will be better for the experience...

Thank God spring is almost here.

bushwhacked

I shortened it just a bit....

Published on Sunday, February 11, 2007 by the Toronto Sun (Canada)
Squandering Billions in Iraq While U.S. Suffers
by Eric Margolis

Our minds boggled last week at U.S. government estimates that President George W. Bush’s so-called “war on terror” (including Afghanistan and Iraq) will cost at least $690 billion US by next year. That’s more than the total cost of World War I, Korea, or Vietnam, and second only to World War II’s $2 trillion.

This means that by 2008, Bush’s wars in the Muslim world will have cost each American man, woman and child $2,300.

As kings have found since the dawn of time, in war, money counts as much as armies. Wars always cost far more than originally projected.

A primary architect of the 2003 Iraq War, former deputy secretary of defence, Paul Wolfowitz, assured Americans it would only cost $40 billion. The cost of occupying Iraq would be paid, he claimed, by plundering its oil. Wolfowitz now heads the World Bank.

Speaking of epic idiocy, enter the man selected by Wolfowitz to become proconsul of U.S.-occupied Iraq, a bumbling conservative Republican hack named Paul Bremer.
During the 14 months he ran Iraq, Bremer committed two enormous follies. He dissolved Iraq’s army and police, then fired all government employees who were members of Saddam’s Ba’athist Party. Iraq was left without security forces or functioning government. Chaos ensued.

For a few hundred million, the U.S. could have hired much of Saddam’s army, security forces and bureaucrats. Instead, the Cheney/Bush administration declared them outlaws and began using Shia militias and death squads to fight the Sunni resistance, triggering today’s ghastly Sunni-Shia civil war.

Chaos in U.S.-occupied Iraq, and the collapse of its banking system and Ba’ath Party-run social programs, forced Washington to rush 363 tons of $100 US bills to Baghdad. This money, which belonged to Iraq, came from the UN-run “Oil for Food” program.
Bremer’s people dished out $12 billion US by the truckload. Another $800 million US was stolen by U.S.-appointed officials of Iraq’s defense ministry.

But $12.8 missing billions is just the tip of the iceberg.

This week, House Democrats opened hearings that finally began to expose the tsunami of corruption that accompanied the occupation and plundering of Iraq. Billions more of fraud and thievery concealed by the White House will likely be uncovered.

The White House wants to help pay for its foreign wars by slashing spending on health and seniors. While the Washington, D.C., police no longer dare patrol crime-infested southern parts of America’s capitol, “President” Cheney and “v-p” Bush are sending the 82nd Airborne Division to try to pacify Baghdad. If this isn’t the extreme theatre of the absurd, I don’t know what is.

less depressing?

Since my last post kinda depressed me, I thought I should put up pics. Pictures make me smile, unless they are pictures of things like smog, or George Bush Jr.

Yeah, go ahead. Reply away.

keep on swimming, keep on swimming...

Do you ever get that feeling of impending doom?

I didn't get that job. Nope. Sure didn't.

This is problematic.

Turns out they had someone apply who had actually BEEN a Head Start manager for another agency. The director assured me that I did wonderfully in the interview, and that I was one of their top choices...so I ALMOST got the job, which is a bit like ALMOST being pregnant...

which does make me feel better in the self-esteem department...

but does nothing for the fact that I am in DEEP doo-doo in the checkbook department...

So, as Dory says in Finding Nemo, "gotta keep on swimming."

I have applied at University of Idaho, and at the local Community Action Center. The first job pays well, and is a long shot because it will be highly competitive. The second job pays not-so-well, and may still be a longshot because I am overqualified. I spent one afternoon kind of immobilized, depressed, and questioning the meaning of life in general. But, that didn't help matters much. So, I am hitting the job trail in high gear for the rest of the week. There is a social services director position open at a care facility in Colfax, so I will be applying there. I am trying to avoid Idaho if possible, so I don't have to pay state income tax...but at this point I will take just about anything. I did get a tutoring position at WSU again, but it is one night a week, and that might pay for a gallon of milk or two. I will be grateful...and have sufficient calcium.

So again, please wish me luck!

Smells like I'm Broke

Little C asked for her own perfume this evening. I sprayed some generic "cotton candy" scent on her at the store. I just need to keep her away from Coley when shopping, as Coley is a name brand woman...and won't buy "High Karate" or "Old Spice Replica" like me. It's all "Liquid Gold in a Bottle With the Nose Bleed Inducing Price Tag....also known as 'LGBWNBIPT'"

I just had to share...

I posted "Dyke Radar Blues" on my MySpace music page. I am just amazed that I can transfer those songs from tape to CD-maybe get them all on a single format. Revisiting that part of my life has been therapeutic, and I have recently connected with an Architecture Professor who wants to play and perform for fun. A fairly young guy who had asked me out before someone at the Grill clued him in that I was, you know, Lesbanese. He's a very nice guy...and he came over for a rousing rendition of "If I Had a Million Dollars" by Barenaked Ladies. Coley rapidly left the room...but we thought we sounded great!

Felt good to play, anyway. Rico's, here we come!

They can horses, don't they?

Sometimes kids say things that make you almost blow french fries out of your nose (if you happen to be eating those things at the time...)

Little C and I were having dinner together, and our conversation turned to horses. She wanted to know how we originally got Twizzler (the Twiz), our recently departed horse. When I told her that our friend Spice Grl had bought him at an auction, Little C remembered that Spice Grl often saved horses. I was trying to explain how "canners" also bid on horses because in some countries people like to eat them, and so they try to buy them cheap to make cans of horse meat, like roast beef in cans from cows, etc. etc.

Little C responded with, "Well that's good, except it could hurt the horse."

I had to agree. OMG.

Little C has taken up her keen interest again, and has checked out a pile of books from the library about horses. She is learning all kinds of things, and constantly turning our conversations back to getting another horse. I have decided that we will start with lessons here in Pullman again, and if her interest persists-we will investigate further. Maybe 4H. She is old enough now that finding similarly interested peers might catch fire. I can't think of a healthier activity to get involved in. If we get into 4H, then we might make connections for boarding. I will also have to see if Spam can promote interests beyond Barbie and Jehovah...so we will see.

I had a second interview today for the Family Services Manager position. It seemed to go extremely well, and it would be a PERFECT position for me. Now I just have to hope that my previous job does not sink me on a reference. It was a bit tense when I left, as they didn't take kindly to my giving notice....

Above be some more pictures from recent times...

slip sliding away...

We went sledding behind the high school here. It was fun! I acquired a nifty sledding injury that is much more impressive than my old "Scrabble injury" caused by attempting a triple word score utilizing the letters "q" and "z"...the "snow" was actually hidden underneath a healthy topping of razor sharp ice-crusties. The "trails" were packed down to a glossy sheen, and I am fairly certain we broke the sound barrier on a few runs. All in fun. (OMG)

Spam did the invite, and it is certainly nice to be getting along again. Little C is the biggest beneficiary of our truce, and I am sure it will save me an ulcer. Coley will be able to avoid going kung-fu ninja too....which is good.

I have discovered how much fun "myspace" can be, and I am fairly certain the next discovery will involve those really cool personalized pages. I may need a 12 step program...

I have interviewed for a Family Services Manager position, and the interview went really well. I am being called in for a second interview, which is always a good sign. Keep your eyes crossed for me....the Chemical Dependency position is on hold until they fill a sudden departure in their administrative staff, but I have been told I will be called in for that the moment they have the spot filled. My thanks to those of you who are lying and giving me great references....

why? I just don't know..

Coley often shakes her head and says, "Why? Oh, why?" Then she gazes at the ring on her finger with a mixture of fear and dread.

I do not know why. Fortunately my father is secure in his masculinity. I am also secure in my masculinity. Seriousness is highly overrated. I know.

My father told me so.

Little C could just care less...and I have to respect that.

x-mas on and on

Here is another round from our x-mas excursions. Awww (again)...

s'more random pics

Let's see...our kitty Chase in the sink trying to be helpful...Little C and I Christmas morning...Little C and her friend Bentley making pizza and being cute by the fire during a sleepover...and Little C, Coley and I last Christmas in Missouri...

Awww....