*&^$%#)@^* sink! ^$%@#(* window!

So, the sink from hell has won. After 3 gallons of regular drano, liquid plumbr Power Jet, boiling water, vinegar, baking soda, more boiling water, and plunging (after buying a special sink plunger)until I was pulling up crap from China, I finally got so mad that I decided to remove the trap and I was gonna snake the f*%^&*# thing. I got out all of the tools, and I took out everything from under the sink (THAT was where that guys underwear was all this time)...and bailed the sink, and got buckets for under it...

...and the coupling nuts were rusted on there....and I did not have the right kind of wrench...or even any WD40 (I know, BAD lesbian)...so I twisted, and turned, and also did that to the coupling nuts...

...and I ripped the bottom of the J-trap....

...and I said a few bad words. Coley said, "I told you not to mess with that..."

..and I said some more bad words, and thought really loud bad things at her....

...and Roto-Rooter wants $104.00 to snake a friggin' sink. Even on Monday when it is not a Holiday weekend anymore...

so I will be calling other places tomorrow and hope that they will buy me dinner before they F%$# ME UP THE A*#...

so anway

we decided we would put some of that window shrink insulation on our patio door, because standing near it is a lot like eating a York Peppermint Patty, which is a lot like riding down a bobsled run in Siberia in a blizzard after falling into an iced over pond while eating Haagen Daz...

it sounded easy enough on the package. Put on the double sided tape, let it adhere for a while to the window, peel off the backing, attach the shrink wrap stuff, then blowdry to form a tight fitting seal, thereby locking in the toasty warm goodness...

ummmm...

the double sided tape would not stick for more than about 15 seconds, no matter how much I wiped the frame and cussed at the tape...

so we went and bought a roll from Rite Aid of "poster tape" which is the only double sided tape that does not cost $358.00 per roll...

...brought it home, managed to get that up even though the kitties thought it would be a swell idea to stick paws and noses directly on the tape, and bat around all of the little tape ends that were laying around, and make crinkly noises in the shrink wrap stuff...

so I attach the top, and then the sides of the wrap, leaving only the bottom

and SO MUCH cold air is coming through the window area that the entire thing puffs up like a MACY's Thanksgiving Day Parade float

Coley would push one side down, and the other would puff up

She would push it down from the top, and by the time she got to the bottom, the top was puffed out again...

I am sure we looked like total idiots. We decided to drink hot buttered rums, cause what else is one to do when their apartment attacks them? So there we were. Drunk. With a backed up. broken kitchen sink and puffy out windows.

FINALLY (like 5 hours later) we cut the wrap in half and adhered only one half of the patio door at a time, even though the directions didn't specify that. We decided to improvise, like McGyver. By the end, we said "screw that tape" and we were putting up heavy duty packing tape around that sucker.

Now it is only mildly puffed out. We have a mountain of dishes needing washed after Thanksgiving. It was like 2 degrees out (ok, I am exaggerating a bit), and I had to drive up a very steep hill this morning (at about 5am) when everyone was asleep. I had to get a running start, and my tires made a horrible, high pitched whining sound as I spun up "Frances Drive"...I am sure that I frightened small woodland creatures (and Greek Row students, who resemble small woodland creatures-only small woodland creatures are more mature) for miles around.

I am going to go crawl back into bed now, and dream of sinks that work, and windows that do not puff.