transformation..into a girl..OMG

before



after

Like the tan line from the sandals? It's hot here. Did I mention that it is sunny in Phoenix? Except when it is hailing sideways.

Anyways...

I am trying to expand my horizons in a number of new ways. Including going girly. I am going to have a friend help me with eye makeup and such...Coley told me once I just looked like a drag queen when I did that. But then my friend (I shall call her Pez, because it rhymes with her real name) told me she thought she could do it. I'm having my friend Merry (ok...her name is Mary, but she is really happy...so that's what she gets) do it.

Then I am putting on a pretty dress with flowers and crap on it. (I'm a dainty little lotus flower, I know)

Then I have a date with a guy. 

I know, right?

I think I am going on the date with a guy just to throw Arloin and Harley off. That's fun.

Maybe I will get a few pics...just to throw everyone off...even more fun.

What if I like this guy? Then I'm throwing myself off. That would be weird.

But in a girly kind of way.  It is almost Halloween. So, this is a good time for dress up.

Feeling Presidential

"Ask not what your country can do for you..."

My hair was WAAAAy too short. Definately. 


"...but what you can do for your country..."

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Courtesy DMV

So...I dropped my wallet when exiting a car with my hands full...about 8 weeks ago. When I finally figured it out and went back to grab it, the wallet was gone.

I don't care too much about the sixty or so dollars that was in there...but that identification was valuable in a way that is only now becoming fully apparent to me.

 I have needed that driver's license in order to spare myself and others a major dilemma when trying to get to Arizona. Plane, train, bus...none of these "normal" options would work. I considered hitchhiking, but apparently motorists have taken to checking identification and asking for fingerprints prior to offering rides (except the ax murderers...they will still take your word for it).

Arloin finally had to rent a car to come and pick me up 900 miles away. (Yes, she is insane...but also a snappy dresser and fabulous singer of Spanish folksongs....at least I think they are spanish...because I heard the word Taco a few times).

I need this driver's license to be employed, it turns out. It is crucial to prove identity, citizenship, and that my license photo complies with the universal DMV "scare small children" rule. In order to get my license replaced, I need a Social Security card. That was in my storage unit, which was recently repoed by the storage unit police and then auctioned off to a tuna fisherman named Sebastian.

In order to get the Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

In order to get the driver's license, I need a Social Security card.

In order to get a Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

In order to get a driver's license, I need a Social Security card.

In order to get a Social Security card, I need a driver's license.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm awake.

 Anyway, when I finally DO get my driver's license somehow, I am going to proceed to drive directly through the local Social Security Administration office with my intermittent wipers going, yelling something about Tacos.

They probably won't let me into prison then, without a Social Security card. They will probably deport me to Mexico...where you can't get in without a Dairy Queen Blizzard punch card, which was also in my wallet. 

Vision helps you see...

So, I have been trying to live without my glasses after misplacing them.

I found them.

It turns out I have been dating a cactus, and the palm tree in the yard isn't the space needle after all.

I am expecting that things will improve rapidly now.

Loving it here in Seattle

The beautiful Space Needle



It isn't as rainy here as I thought it would be.

 I can't wait to go up in the Space Needle.

Happy Again!

Hey, I have decided lots of sun is good for me. Along with friendship, healthy food, and healthy people.

Now if I can just figure out how to get around town (city...big, big city) without a car. I should learn Spanish too. And perhaps try to expand my horizons with my tolerance for spicy food....

There is SO MUCH to do here. The women's community seems extremely supportive, and rather large. (The community, not the individual women. Hmmm...)

Just awesome.

My New Girlfriend

she is a bit thin...



I don't know why I have this apparent pattern with emotioanlly unavailable partners. I have such a hard time approaching her. It can actally be painful at times. Damn, forget hugging. She's all, like, "I have my thorny defenses up to protect my tender interior from parasites and predators of all kinds..." She doesn't SAY it, (not the greatest communicator), but I know she's thinking it. 

.Whatever, you know?

I wish she would just eat a burger or something. Gain a few pounds. And fankly, I have really started to get irritated with the birds that make it past her defenses and peck holes right in her sides to nest. I have nearly had it-the birds or me.

Overall I'm pretty happy. I think I worry more about her weird relative (this one's name is Bill) than I do her. This is a farily recent snapshot. You can see that Bill is already gowing weary of being pointed out as different.

I'm hoping at some point she will become more tender. She's worth the wait.

...and now for something completely different...

A field of Fireweed in bloom
Kenai, Alaska

Talk about a switch...Alaska to Arizona. Phoenix, to be exact.

Phoenix seems meant to be for me now. I can't help but love the symbolism in the name-the "rising from the ashes"....I certainly attempted to burn my life down, both actively and passively. I know why now...understand some critical things about myself, my past. I have clarity on my present.

I know what I want. I know who I want. I know how I want to be in the world.

 I know how I expect to be treated. I know how I expect to treat others. I am available again for friendship and parenting...partnership...and self-care. I'm excited about life again.

Fireweed is remarkable for growing in areas ravaged by fire. Again with the symbolism. But, it means a lot to me, and keeps me forward focused.

Despite what those who have witnessed me hurting may say (and I appreciate that I am so loved)-I don't WANT to "unlove" my spouse. THAT has never been my choice...and it has been part of a journey she needed to go on as a person. People DO learn, grow, and change. Changes are usually precipitated by crisis of some kind. If not for crisis and stress, it could be that we would never change because we were all so comfy.

We are going to keep trying. It was her idea. I love her for that.

But, whether we do or do not succeed in sharing a life together, I am alive inside again.

I really am going to complete the symbolism for me-starting a new blog in the next few days. I don't feel there is anything wrong with this one...or the memories saved here...I just want to start anew in all aspects. A rebirth of sorts.

I will send invites out to friends who want to follow or keep tabs...I know I enjoy keeping in touch.

I will try not to melt here in Arizona, and to have a decidedly less serious take on things in my new blog!