...and now for something completely different...

A field of Fireweed in bloom
Kenai, Alaska

Talk about a switch...Alaska to Arizona. Phoenix, to be exact.

Phoenix seems meant to be for me now. I can't help but love the symbolism in the name-the "rising from the ashes"....I certainly attempted to burn my life down, both actively and passively. I know why now...understand some critical things about myself, my past. I have clarity on my present.

I know what I want. I know who I want. I know how I want to be in the world.

 I know how I expect to be treated. I know how I expect to treat others. I am available again for friendship and parenting...partnership...and self-care. I'm excited about life again.

Fireweed is remarkable for growing in areas ravaged by fire. Again with the symbolism. But, it means a lot to me, and keeps me forward focused.

Despite what those who have witnessed me hurting may say (and I appreciate that I am so loved)-I don't WANT to "unlove" my spouse. THAT has never been my choice...and it has been part of a journey she needed to go on as a person. People DO learn, grow, and change. Changes are usually precipitated by crisis of some kind. If not for crisis and stress, it could be that we would never change because we were all so comfy.

We are going to keep trying. It was her idea. I love her for that.

But, whether we do or do not succeed in sharing a life together, I am alive inside again.

I really am going to complete the symbolism for me-starting a new blog in the next few days. I don't feel there is anything wrong with this one...or the memories saved here...I just want to start anew in all aspects. A rebirth of sorts.

I will send invites out to friends who want to follow or keep tabs...I know I enjoy keeping in touch.

I will try not to melt here in Arizona, and to have a decidedly less serious take on things in my new blog!