fireweed -the most non-whiney flower around

fireweed -the most non-whiney flower around
no pansies allowed

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Broken Toe Jo

Talking to my friend early this morning...walked out of my bedroom and caught my pinky toe on the door.

Because I am smooth like that.

My toe doesn't normally bend like that.

Fortunately she is a nurse. Took one look and said, "yep. That's broken. Good job Jo..."

She offered to set it for me, but that made me feel faint.

So, I have it wrapped, and walked around in a slipper all day at work.

It is turning pretty colors now, and smarts like nothing else.

I never paid a lot of attention to my pinky toe (obviously)...but it really has my attention now. Stupid thing.

I guess I am destined to have a funky pointy outie toe now.

Damn it.

Been Eating Long?


Connie made St. Patty's Day cupcakes.

I was excited.

Little C n Me...cool cats


yeah...

too cool for school.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

what a boner

So...

Our Activity Director had some great advice for me today.

"Don't worry about stuff you can't control..."

Geez. "Keep it simple, stupid..." Why do I forget the most basic things?

Work is frustrating. You know, expected to do sixty hours of work in forty hours, expected to think "Corporate" goals (profits) are more important than residents. Expected to perform "compliance" tasks that are really examples of "goal displacement"...in that the whole reason we do them is supposed to be to assure quality service to our residents...but the mandatory completion (or the mechanics of completing) the tasks actually interfere with quality service.

I spend more time putting out fires and pushing papers than I do with the residents.

But,

that is just part of this job.

If you are told to stand up, and sit down...at the same time...then you HAVE to choose one. But, job performance will probably be measured by the one you did NOT choose.

So,

I don't know if I am coming or going.

I just know I am supposed to do both simultaneously.

I can SEE the bone...I can SEE it...

Monday, March 14, 2011

My breath catches...just a little...



I am really excited about dating...

I mean, there are a lot of fish in the sea.

You know?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Down in the valley, the valley so low...

November 12, 2009

I had a person say the most wonderful thing to me...healed my heart quite a bit...

She said, "Some people lose the ability to see the gifts that they have been given..." She then proceeded to tell me that I am a gift in her life, even though I am far away right now.

Sometimes the person you need most is the one you didn't think you wanted...

...and I guess the reverse is true also.

The one you think you wanted is the one you least need...

Been sitting in the very place this chapter started...passing the place where we met, the roads we once drove, restaurants we shared, descending into the valley so low (that grade, that smell)...passing our cats' vet, where we had gone to school (Cougar stuff EVERYWHERE...on grain elevators, water towers, barns)...being right where we worked...walked...shopped...lived...it hit me at first, and still catches me unexpectedly sometimes, like a fist around my heart.

But, screw it.

It's all in how I think about it. I don't have regrets. I've got new memories to make.

Love isn't what MAKES you happy. But, it certainly lifts you, inspires you, enhances what you already have. I try to remember what that felt like...to be treasured like that...and I can only imagine how my life will be with love again. Sitting with the heavy absence of it, and the normal grieving of a good memory...along with the constant prodding and repetition of a bad...has only served to give me an obstacle...one I can jump over, but it has hurt regardless.

And angered me at times, given I had AGAIN kept making decisions based on stuff that just wasn't real, and so I could have been doing something else with my time and plans...and resources...and I just LOVE that I was warned repeatedly-I mean, told to RUN...fortunately I was already whole this time, and kind of braced for the truth I sensed anyway...

But...forgiving is easier than carrying resentment around. No one is really a BAD person. Although I have wondered how long I was out of the loop again...It isn't as if it were PLANNED that way.

I am a pretty happy person, right now...today. I can only imagine what honesty, support, and mutual giving will bring. And maybe some good sex again (sorry, mom)...

When I have those things again, am treated like I matter, am supported as much as I support, when I feel sparks again...I will probably wonder how the hell I lived so long like I did...and enjoy the breath of fresh air. As another friend said, "Be open, and let it happen. Don't get in your own way." I have passed a lot of good people by being blind, closed off...and been directly told so...

So,

I'll probably be so happy I am just irritating. Like that "Don't Worry, Be Happy" song...with the whistling..... that just goes on and on and on and on and on...until you want to stick a BBQ fork directly in your eye. 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Help a Penguin Out...

There are times when stopping to help a penguin out would be appropriate.

Like when the film crew on "March of the Penguins" saw a penguin frozen to the ice. And they could have stopped to help the little guy out, instead of filming his demise to capture the raw and heartbreaking cycle of life and death in the natural world.

Just give the little guy a break and pull on his flipper. Quick and easy fix.

Then there are times when the penguins would really just have to be on their own.

The above scenario would be a good example.

"Uh, Bob. Shouldn't we do something? They are lined up like mini sausages on a snack tray."

"No, Frank. That is a Killer Whale."

"Excellent point Bob."

"Thanks. Let's get back to the hotel. I'm missing 'Law and Order'."

Monday, March 07, 2011

Little Squirt

It is SO GOOD to see my daughter again!!! I missed her! She looks great!

I took her into my work today, went shopping, visited the library (where we checked out some books and planned a few crafts projects), came back to where I am staying and made strawberries with cream cheese dip and hot chocolate...then I played her "Hallelujah" on the guitar...which she immediately identified with "Shrek."

Spam has taken to washing their hair with only water and vinegar (I have no idea where she gets these ideas...not as if I am really concerned or anything)...and when I shared it with Coley her response was, "Get her in that house and shampoo her hair immediately! Your daughter is not a vagina!"

Which, of course, almost had me rolling on the floor in laughter.

I have decided against going out to purchase a "Summer's Eve Disposable Douche" (as if anyone would want to keep one) to have on hand to wash Little C's hair with in the event she stays over....

I will stick with Garnier Fructis, or some damn thing.

It was just good to spend time with her...and I had a nice time with Spam too-even though I had to participate in "grace" at supper time asking "Jehovah" to assist us ALL in "following Biblical principles"...so I followed the prayer with "Go Team!"

Spam seemed okay with that.

New office, same lost teeth

It is nice to have a large office with it's own bathroom...and recliner...

It is taking some doing to get it organized. I literally found a few things posted on this desk that I had put up there three years ago.

I also found the resident "lost and found" items.

I know I am in the right place when there is a box of teeth, hearing aids, and glasses on my desk.

There is one partial upper from three years ago as well.

I have no idea how that happens.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Baby you're a firework...or at least a sparkler, by golly


Have you ever noticed that if you go out into a public space (such as a dance club), and wonder if someone is single...it is extremely difficult to know whether or not it is safe to "approach" that someone you might be interested in?

Because you might get beat up by that person's partner?

"What do you think you are looking at?"

"Um...nothing...I was trying to find the bathroom...and it is certainly not behind your girlfriend. My bad."

I have a lot of empathy for guys, as they are in the "traditional" role of being the ones who must do that initial approach...risking rejection, public humiliation, or possessiveness from that person's current flame.

In the gay community, who is responsible for "making the first move" is confusing anyway...I mean, it doesn't align along those "butch/femme" stereotypes...it really doesn't...

It is also potentially frustrating going out with a friend as a single person in the gay community, because people might just assume you are "with" your friend...and you would never know if someone was interested, anyway.

Geez...it is amazing that anyone EVER gets dates if they are gay.

So, I think there should be some kind of "single" signifier, to take the question (and potential for bodily harm) right out of it.

If the above t-shirt came in a flannel version, that could really work for many members of the lesbian community. Perhaps at clubs they could offer some kind of subtle signifier to their single patrons.

 A rainbow wristband. A name tag. Face paint....

...sparklers that could be lit when Katy Perry's "Firework" song is played. (This would work more effectively in gay men's clubs).

"BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK!" (club instantly ignites in a blinding cloud of smoke..)

Anyhoo...

I'm just sayin'