My Lookalike buddy

These pictures don't quite do the resemblence justice. This is my friend (I will call her Hikki) who came over to visit the other night...we have told her she looks a lot like Gretchen Wilson, so I made her sit for some lookalike photos. In a professional studio it would be eerie. These were just in my livingroom with bad lighting and a digital camera...I almost made her give me a concert. She can sing too, so I think she should work for one of those lookalike agencies...

*&^$%#)@^* sink! ^$%@#(* window!

So, the sink from hell has won. After 3 gallons of regular drano, liquid plumbr Power Jet, boiling water, vinegar, baking soda, more boiling water, and plunging (after buying a special sink plunger)until I was pulling up crap from China, I finally got so mad that I decided to remove the trap and I was gonna snake the f*%^&*# thing. I got out all of the tools, and I took out everything from under the sink (THAT was where that guys underwear was all this time)...and bailed the sink, and got buckets for under it...

...and the coupling nuts were rusted on there....and I did not have the right kind of wrench...or even any WD40 (I know, BAD lesbian)...so I twisted, and turned, and also did that to the coupling nuts...

...and I ripped the bottom of the J-trap....

...and I said a few bad words. Coley said, "I told you not to mess with that..."

..and I said some more bad words, and thought really loud bad things at her....

...and Roto-Rooter wants $104.00 to snake a friggin' sink. Even on Monday when it is not a Holiday weekend anymore...

so I will be calling other places tomorrow and hope that they will buy me dinner before they F%$# ME UP THE A*#...

so anway

we decided we would put some of that window shrink insulation on our patio door, because standing near it is a lot like eating a York Peppermint Patty, which is a lot like riding down a bobsled run in Siberia in a blizzard after falling into an iced over pond while eating Haagen Daz...

it sounded easy enough on the package. Put on the double sided tape, let it adhere for a while to the window, peel off the backing, attach the shrink wrap stuff, then blowdry to form a tight fitting seal, thereby locking in the toasty warm goodness...

ummmm...

the double sided tape would not stick for more than about 15 seconds, no matter how much I wiped the frame and cussed at the tape...

so we went and bought a roll from Rite Aid of "poster tape" which is the only double sided tape that does not cost $358.00 per roll...

...brought it home, managed to get that up even though the kitties thought it would be a swell idea to stick paws and noses directly on the tape, and bat around all of the little tape ends that were laying around, and make crinkly noises in the shrink wrap stuff...

so I attach the top, and then the sides of the wrap, leaving only the bottom

and SO MUCH cold air is coming through the window area that the entire thing puffs up like a MACY's Thanksgiving Day Parade float

Coley would push one side down, and the other would puff up

She would push it down from the top, and by the time she got to the bottom, the top was puffed out again...

I am sure we looked like total idiots. We decided to drink hot buttered rums, cause what else is one to do when their apartment attacks them? So there we were. Drunk. With a backed up. broken kitchen sink and puffy out windows.

FINALLY (like 5 hours later) we cut the wrap in half and adhered only one half of the patio door at a time, even though the directions didn't specify that. We decided to improvise, like McGyver. By the end, we said "screw that tape" and we were putting up heavy duty packing tape around that sucker.

Now it is only mildly puffed out. We have a mountain of dishes needing washed after Thanksgiving. It was like 2 degrees out (ok, I am exaggerating a bit), and I had to drive up a very steep hill this morning (at about 5am) when everyone was asleep. I had to get a running start, and my tires made a horrible, high pitched whining sound as I spun up "Frances Drive"...I am sure that I frightened small woodland creatures (and Greek Row students, who resemble small woodland creatures-only small woodland creatures are more mature) for miles around.

I am going to go crawl back into bed now, and dream of sinks that work, and windows that do not puff.

sink clogs

Another reason for sink clogs...

Fortunately not at our house...

Leftover Days and days and days...

I'm postin' s'more pics for them peoples that I love. I will have to post pics of Coley and I posing with the turkey later.

Pics include me n' Arweenie at Pride Day last year, 'cause we're proud...and Arweenie is Lesbanese (so I had to go). Little C and Woey poking for turtles in the pond at Sunnyside Park. JoTwo and Little C harvesting potatoes at Jo's garden. JoTwo and Krispy at a BBQ. And Mel, who took piocs at our wedding in Alaska...one of my coolest friends ever!


Turkey soup. Turkey casserole. Turkey soufle. Turkey eggplant surprise. Turkey pot pie. Turkey sandwiches. Turkey quiche. Turkey cheese muffins. Turkey chili. Turkey burritos. Turkey with a side of turkey, smothered in turkey gravy.

Turkey.....tastes a lot like chicken.

Coley's blog mentions what I did to our poor kitchen sink. After looking it up on Google, I see that Thanksgiving is the busiest time of year for plumbers. It is largely due to lotsa people making the very same mistake I did. I am the kind of person that plumbers laugh about when they go out to the plumber bars together.

I bought some of that Liquid Plumbr Power Jet compression stuff that is supposed to blow our clog onto someone's dinner table in France. It will probably work out more like a Chavy Chase Thanksgiving Vacation movie, and will result in lots of emergency vehicles pulling into our driveway, and our neighbors standing around going "I seent the whole thing! It was horrible! Woo! Go Cougs! Have you seen my underwear?"

Wish me luck. OMG.

Coley has a sty in her eye. Please pray for her.

Happy Turkey Day

Hope you have lots of good stuff to eat, and lots of great things to be Thankful for.

I don't. Life sucks. I hate everyone. Nobody loves me. I swallowed my gum.

Just kidding! I've got lots to be thankful for, and I am. I'm also sleepy. I haven't even had that turkey chemical tryptophiliopiantube...or whatever it is called. I think I will curl up by the fire, and take a pre-nap nap.

G'night, and Happy Thahksgiving!.

The Parking Angel

There was a woman...a vividly unique and unusual woman...who traveled the streets of downtown Anchorage in a customized PINK meter maid car, dressed in a pink tutu. She would drive just ahead of the parking authority police and would drop nickels into the expired meters of those about to receive tickets. She did this in protest of what she viewed as unfair practices of the Anchorage Parking Authority, and she did this in rain, snow, sleet, or hail. As you can probably imagine, these sorts of conditions occurred a lot in Alaska. USA Today did a story on her. So did the National Enquirer. I think she liked the National Enquirer attention the best...

This same woman saw everyone through the most non-judgmental eyes that you could imagine...caring not the least if someone was dirty, or homeless, or an alcoholic. She would pull the last dime out of her own pocket to make sure someone had something to eat-or even a drink if they were shaking in withdrawal. She would sit and talk with people for hours. As a result of this genuine kindness and lack of pretense, she has accumulated throughout her life the most diverse and unlikely group of friends...politicians to prostitutes...the wealthy to the homeless..she just did not measure people by anything other than who they presented themselves to be in their hearts. She inspired people to action. She infected people with her enthusiasm. She had talents she never gave herself credit for.

Her manner was like a hurricane in a car accident...frenzied, fast, hard to follow, sometimes even painful to be around. Her mind would race, filled with brilliant ideas. She was impulsive, kind, and somehow tortured. She would often take care of other people more than she would take care of herself. She was hilarious and sad, all at once. She was impossible to capture with words. She would have probably been hard to capture with a tranquilizer gun, super glue, and duct tape.

She was my friend, and she saved my ass so many times. She made me laugh. She was a genuinely good person.

She died yesterday.

Linny...I hope you knew how much people loved you, and how deeply you impacted people's lives....I wish you had given yourself the same kindness and generosity you bestowed on others.

Just knowing you were in the world, running in five directions at once, gave me comfort. Your absence is heavy, and hard to even think about. I love you Linny. You bonehead.

Alaska Daily News

Whoever invented love ...Genius I say!

If you find yourself blessed and fortunate enough to find a special someone who will share your days, the good AND bad, and laugh and cry with you, and bring you soup when you have snot and eye crusties, and crack you up, and team up with you, and plan and dream, and challenge you to be better, but forgive you when you don't quite hit the mark, and hide the remote control from you...

and if they make your heart beat a little faster too with that smile or special glance (or great fitting jeans)...

then you are a lucky someone!

I am a lucky someone.

I love you Coley.

The "Woo Woo" Guy

There is apparently a guy who likes to wander around Pullman yelling stuff like "WOO!", and "Go Cougs!", and "Has anyone seen my underwear?!" Tonight he is yelling these sorts of things outside in the middle of the street at 1:38 in the morning. Little C crawled into bed with us, and right now she is curled up next to Coley, and both of them are out like lights.

It is so adorable I cannot stand it.

I, however, being a somewhat delicate sleeper (especially when I am worried about how to afford toilet paper soon) am wide awake.

Therefore I am going to post s'more pics at 1:41am. Then I will get ready to brave the chill for my early morning emergency money job. Maybe I will be able to find that poor man's underwear while I am out.

Umm, never mind. I don't want to find his underwear.

Enjoy the pics. I sure do!

Apple Sauce

Well, durn it. The Husky dawgs beat us...barely...

We went down to catch the fourth quarter, and it was Little C's first time seeing a game. Her eyes got big as we entered the arena with the 36,000 fans, bright lights, cheering and chanting, marching bands, and the sea of crimson and gray. I am so glad we walked down there...it lifted our whole day...and once again we needed it...

Little C and Coley bonded even more-holding hands for the whole walk to and fro, having deep meaningful conversations. It was fun gearing up again-and Little C is a proud little Coug to say the least!

Things may be a bit bumpy at the moment, but there is a lot to be thankful for.

wet putty

Any other title would not have been appropriate for a family oriented blog.

Not that this is a family oriented blog.

Our kitty decided to try balancing on the edge of the bathtub. It was generally a bad idea.

OMG. I've become a lesbian cat lady. I've read about those. Help me.

Mary Contrary

She would kill me for posting her picture, but she lives far away. Besides, I will always think she's beautiful, even if she goes "ICK!" when she sees her own picture..

I need a page reserved for exes. You're next Bruno. Heh heh heh.

assorted everyones

Still digging, and I'm not even to the scanner yet. Good times!

That last one of one of my professors is wonderful. She looks just lovely with the big bouquet, don't you think?

I Love My Dad

Need I say more? He's the greatest.

No dad, I don't need money.

Teenie and Arweenie

Memory lane is currently under construction...

Polyester is fire resistant...too bad...

Hee hee. I will get more. I KNOW I have some with the orange and pink thing going on.

Miss you all. For those of you in Texas, I miss all y'all...

Somebody hire me

I will move to Alaska. I will brave the big city. I will commute by train, plane, or automobile. I will live in the sticks, or live in the tropics. I will take a sled dog, snowmobile, or canoe to work. I will work my ass off, be innovative, develop programs, slogans, and ideas that WORK. I will EVEN enter data and run statistical analysis if it wold help you or your firm. JUST HIRE me and give me the chance to work with my Master's Degree making more than a miserable hourly wage. FOR ONE TIME IN MY LIFE I WOULD LIKE TO GET A CAREER WHERE MY SALARY DOES NOT LEAVE ME ELIGIBLE TO GET FOOD STAMPS!

Sometimes I wonder if the academic game is just that...a game. Crunch those numbers. Make peanut butter. I am fairly depressed today, but need to get up on my feet and convince someone that hiring me is the best move they will make in a long time! I need a job that uses my skills.

Anyone send my a lead (one that I am actually qualified for), and I will dazzle them in an interview. All I need is a chance with a REAL job, helping or teaching people for a realistic wage, planning programs, writing grants, preparing budgets, teaching, analysis, PR, human relations...and I will be the forever grateful, talented, and loyal employee...

My wife and I are willing to move almost anywhere to make this happen...

partay with Patay

So, Coley's bestest girlfriend from Portland is visiting for the weekend. It has been fun. Mostly just keeping a fire in the fireplace, watching all of the back episodes of Queer as Folk, and listening to them talk about the old days in the nursing Biz in Portland...

"OMG, remember when Hallmark showed up to work in the camo scrubs? We couldn't find him!"

"OMG, remember how Judy used to come to work drunk and we had to prop her up in the hallway and put a wet paint sign on her? Remember?"

Anyway, our weekend has definately been calm, which is good. I fluctuate between relief, and wondering when it was that I decided a night of thumping dance tracks, beer, and flashing lights sounded like the perfect recipe for a headache. There is a giant rocking chair outside of a furniture store in vandals town...we were all thinking we should sit in it and take pics. Somebody calm us down before we get into real trouble...

It is 8:36. I need to drink some warm milk and hit the sack.

Rain.

Little C's bestest buddy. Woey.

"Running Grad Student" was my official department photo at WSU. No wonder my students didn't seem to find me much of an imposing presence.

Jason Hill took two classes from me, one of them being upper division "Sociology of Sport"...I had no idea who he was. Only after the fact do I see him on all televised Coug games doing inzone dances. Yep, real informed about the whole college football thing, eh? Glad they assigned me THAT class to teach...

Gramma and Little C. Cuteness abounds...Little C is cute too.

You gotta have rain in order to have a rainbow.

Oh, puke.

mewwy...

Those last were pics of my friend's wedding several summers ago. Little C called her "Mewwy"...

Hi Mewwy! I have more pics from that wonderful day, and I will sprinkle my blog with them. Yes. I said "sprinkle." "Sprinkle my blog" is not actually anything I would ever expect to say in a sentence. Y'know?

Keewee and Damnit Janet at my own wedding reception...

For me friends...

I am going to find and post pics of my friends. My faithful friends who find the time to visit my blog...just to make you all smile (I hope)

MC Grand Mix Master Rowdy Fouty...(geez, can I call you MC?)...your pics are on my cell phone, as most of our times together I have probably been too drunk to operate a digital camera...but I will figure it out. Then you will be sorry.

Dr. Shelf? How can it be that I never captured you in all of your paisley, floral, psychadelic, jean patched glory? I may come to Alaska again soon, and then I will be chasing you around the UAA campus...

Nurse Angie? I have pics. I'm digging them out. You and Zig and a Trolley. Remember?

Kee-wee? I have pics of you, me, and Oogy. Me you and Oogy. Oogy, you and I. Oogy and us. I ain't got no good English. I might just scan our high school drawings of frog eyes and PhilMan, and post those. They still make me laugh so hard I almost pee.

Damnit Janet. Your posts crack me up. I have some great pics of you, and yours, hee hee. Even back from the Odie Jayne days. I'm so glad you read this. Makes me feel cared about. I need a tissue. Not because I am feeling sentimental, but because I have a giant booger.

Jacqueline Squaw Broad? Cheryl Louise? Oogy? Binks? Annie on the Range? Aye-Maria? Oh Nikki "Your So Fine"? More-een? HarNar? I have pics of all of you. Oh yes. I will find them.

Momgator? I can't believe you read this thing filled with words like "gosh" and "golly"...and all of the lesbionic references...I am going to find pics of dad with the Elvis sideburns, and you both in matching polyester pant suits. You know, the 70's get-ups. Me in bell-bottoms. My friends will see those, and then have no more questions for me about how it is I turned out this way.

"I do...still..."

I realized that my friends have been wanting to see the wedding pics, and I never really posted any. It is kinda tough when Coley tells me if I post any of her she doesn't like, she will put ice cubes down my shorts. But, I don't wear boxers on Wednesdays, and she is in Boise, so I am posting.

Heh, heh, heh.