End of Life and Fire Alarms

Yesterday morning I went to work, and I was told at about 9am that one of our residents had taken a sudden turn for the worst. I had been working with his daughter for some time, trying to set her up with Hospice services because her father wanted to die at home. She was torn as to whether or not she would be able to care for him to the degree that he needed it, and we all tried to warn her that the potential for pretty grisly symptoms was a possibility at the end...

so she had made the decision to have him stay for a while with us to see if he stabalized some before going home...

This woman has been coming to be with her father daily, while also attempting to balance being a business owner. She has been in tears in my office several times. Very touching, as real as it gets...

So this morning with the news that his passing was a possibility (it is impossible to predict with any certainty) I called her to tell her she might want to come in. She broke apart on the phone...I asked if I could call clegy for her and her father. She told me that would probably be a good idea.

I opened the phone book, and was faced with a huge variety of churches I could call. Not familiar with which church followed which practices (he was non-denominational...) I asked around-with the awareness that having someone show up handling snakes and speaking in tongues, or sacrificing chickens might not be the best thing for them. I found United Church of Christ and called, getting "Pastor Lynn" on the phone. This woman was so kind, and had experience with Hospice before. She was at the facility in 7 minutes, and just pulled a chair up next to our resident-and just started talking to him, holding his hand. When the daughter arrived (after I am sure breaking the sound barrier to get there) the pastor held her too.

Several hours later, I saw the nurse and an aid go quickly to his room. When they came out about 10 minutes later, they both looked at me and shook their heads-he had died.

Not that this is in any way about me-but from my end, it was one time when I felt like I had been able to help in the smallest way. My phone calls have previously come after the fact. This time I was able to facilitate bringing people together at the right time, and it was a good thing...as good as it can be given the circumstances. Seeing her say "daddy.." and lay her head on him when she arrived...when he was still there...

The Twilight Zone of facility work came after the fact. Our fire drills are very loud (ringing, buzzing, scurrying looking for the fake fire whle grabbing extinguishers) and usually are a surprise for everyone. In this case I heard murmers before the fact. I approached our maintenance director to let him know that we had a family in with a recently deceased resident...hoping he would delay the fire drill until at least after the funeral home had come. He told me I should go warn the family.

So I did. I had to tell the very fragile daughter that there was going to be a fire alarm, and the doors were all going to shut quickly and dramatically. So, there she was a few minutes later, trying to go through his drawers and and carefully fold his clothes with shaking hands, her father still in his bed...and then she is surrounded by "DING DING DING BUZZ BUZZ SLAM SLAM"....

I had to just cringe.

She was very gracious considering. Our nurse secured her an order for some anti-anxiety medication before she left, and she hugged us until it was hard to breathe.

It is strange how the absurd and the odd can become almost normal in this kind of environment. We can have residents singing "You Are My Sunshine" in the main dining area with guest musicians on an organ, while our Alzheimer's woman is yelling down the halls "I have to go to the bathroom! I dropped my pillow! Son of a biscuit!"

I wish my desk chair had a seat belt. Or at least a wander guard.

"Honey, will you register me?"

Governor Signs Wa. Partner Bill

by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff
Posted: April 21, 2007 - 1:00 pm ET

(Olympia, Washington) Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire signed into law Saturday legislation to give gay and lesbian couples some of the rights that come with marriage.

The domestic partnership bill will create a domestic partnership registry with the state, and provide enhanced rights for same-sex couples, including hospital visitation rights, the ability to authorize autopsies and organ donations and inheritance rights when there is no will.

To be registered, couples would have to share a home, not be married or in a domestic relationship with someone else, and be at least 18. Unmarried, heterosexual senior couples would also be eligible for domestic partnerships if one partner were at least 62. Lawmakers said that provision was included to help seniors who are at risk of losing pension rights and Social Security benefits if they remarry.

Gregoire signed the measure Saturday morning in the state Reception Room in front of LGBT civil rights activists who had fought for passage of the law.The bill passed its final hurdle earlier this month.

In January during Senate hearings a woman whose same-sex partner died as a result of flooding s month earlier told lawmakers that she had difficulty getting into the hospital to see her dying lover. In emotional testimony Charlene Strong told how partner Kate Fleming got trapped in the basement studio where she ran an audio company. As the water rose she was unable to open the door to get out. Rescuers finally broke through and rushed Fleming to an area hospital.
But at the hospital Strong was told told she could not be with her dying partner of nearly 10 years because she was not a relative. Finally officials relented when a family member interceded. Fleming died moments later.

Even as she tried to plan Fleming's funeral Strong faced roadblocks. Strong told committee members that if they had been an opposite-sex married couple, or had civil union rights she would have had no trouble.

Last July the Washington Supreme Court upheld the state's so-called Defense of Marriage Act that limits marriage to opposite-sex couples. The court cited the argument that marriage was designed for the procreation of children. (MY NOTE: by this logic, if a heterosexual couple was known to be unable to biologically conceive, should right to marriage be denied them as well?) But the court noted the legislature could overturn the law or amend it to include gay pairs.

Gay and lesbian couples denied marriage licenses filed suit in 2004. Two lower courts ruled that the state law barring gay marriage was unconstitutional and the the high court heard arguments in the case in March 2005.
©365Gay.com 2007

Blame it on dough boy

Crunches. I must do crunches.

I be lucky...

I have a lot of love and support around me...and really couldn't ask for too much more. The rest is just up to me. As the Indigo Girls wrote "..the sweetest part is acting after making a decision..." I have a few loose ends and lifestyle changes to get on...

Nicole and I think we are going to move up to Alaska next summer. Domestic partnership just became legal in Washington State (our rainbow 'equivalent' of straight marriage), and we can only hope that Alaska will be on this gadar screen in our lifetime as well...those who oppose this kind of equality will look like total idiots in twenty years or so-much like those who opposed racial Civil Rights look like something on the bottom of someone's shoe...

Nicole liked Alaska, and thinks we could make a decent living up there-and I do have a support system in lifelong friendships...perhaps a few professional connections as well...

Lewis and Clark State College was closed Wednesday due to "credible security threats"...Lewiston High School was closed as well...terribly sad and scary. Coley and I watched "Bowling for Columbine" again. Interesting thesis. If there are guns in other countries at about the same frequency as here, and they have the same movies, and video games, and rates of poverty, and racial diversity...then what is the unique thing about America where we had over 11,000 gun related deaths in 1995-but other similar countries numbered in the HUNDREDS? If that....and the disparity continues...what is it? It seems to be a culture of fear? Fear of everything-things in our food, consumer product recalls, the weather, hot tub drains, wild animals, falling and not getting up, wrinkles, identity theft, blah blah blah...and especially fear of each other and difference? I don't know if that is it. It seemed to be Michael Moore's suggestion. Our media has created this cultural element-not to say that things like identity theft aren't real...but we are fixated apparently, and encouraged to be. People in Canada-even those who have been burgled-aren't terribly concerned about locking their doors for fear of the raper coming in. They just don't fear each other like we do. Of course, you don't have the Canadian whack job killing people like we seem to repeatedly have. Then again, these aren't events that occur very often-but looking at the American media, you would think every school had kids with guns...it is like focusing on the plane crashes. Quite vivid, and they do happen. The likelihood of it happening to any one particular flight is almost not worth mentioning....still....

I am babbling. Babble ON!

I will not fear my toothbrush or my blender.

What?

Thanks so much to you guys for responding to my feeling down and such with encouraging and uplifting comments. Mean people suck. That is my highly informed opinion. I wish I could take all of the wonderful people in my life and just have them with me at all times. Me, me,me...it is all about me.

Nurse Ratchet, why oh why don't you work in the nursing home I do? HUH?

Horse no cents

Hi all. I'm not in a ditch or anything. My bubble was a bit deflated about posting for a while after I had another unpleasant comment left...something about being too tired to post because I now have the joys of knowing what "real work" was. Such a completely arrogant and condescending remark...completely unprovoked...left me feeling pretty icky about the whole blog thing for a bit. For the record, I must say that "real work" involves much more than clocking in and out or lifting heavy things, and teaching fully amounted to "real work"...I have worked many different kinds of jobs, and am grateful for all of the experiences I have had...I have played music, worked fast food, bagged groceries, loaded and unloaded airplanes, been a security guard, been a student, worked a liquor store, been a social worker, and taught college (to name but a few of the things I've done)...what I am doing now is no more or less "work" than anything else...exhausting and depressing at times, completely rewarding at others...something I think most of us are familiar with. That anyone would find it necessary to spread unpleasantness speaks way more about them than me...just kind of got sick of it. The big eye roll, I suppose.

Overall, life is too short to entertain folks who insist of gathering hard feeling around them.

So I took a break from the blog.

But, I have accumulated some pics. Thought I would share a few. Little C is taking riding lessons, and it is a lot of fun. I am actually learning something as well! The lady who teaches just likes kids, and has a wonderful set-up...she is very patient and teaches things in a way that is crystal clear for the kids...lots of creative language and hands on stuff...not to mention the smiles. Little C is gaining confidence. My next step is to get her involved in 4H and associating with peers who will reinforce the interest. Then we can go to some of the shows and events...I will purchase a horse from the instructor if and when the time comes for that, and we will board closer to home. This is if Little C wants to pursue trail rides or shows on a regular basis-otherwise the visits to "Crazy Tomato Ranch" will suffice. Good clean fun, lots of smiles...

Mom and Dad came to visit, and that was terrific. I am eagerly awaiting the pictures. I let mom do the photography, as it is her official job during all family gatherings. They even went to one of Little C's riding lessons, so there will be some great shots I am sure. We had a fun visit-went to see a movie, shared some meals and good conversation. Coley joined us for some visits too, and it was overall pretty terrific seeing them. Little C was thrilled, of course-got to show Gramma and Grampa how much she has grown. Her favorite phrase of late (after the "actually..." period) is to say "apparently" before sentences. Apparently this, and apparently that. "Apparently the horse like carrots..."

I'm still working. (REAL work)..still in love, still planning and dreaming together. Still struggling along with the bills and the ills and such is life etc etc etc...but trying to make sure to notice and appreciate the good in the everyday of it. LOTS to be thankful for, and easy to forget sometimes under the weight and grind of daily obligation and routine.

Hope everyone is doing well!