End of Life and Fire Alarms

Yesterday morning I went to work, and I was told at about 9am that one of our residents had taken a sudden turn for the worst. I had been working with his daughter for some time, trying to set her up with Hospice services because her father wanted to die at home. She was torn as to whether or not she would be able to care for him to the degree that he needed it, and we all tried to warn her that the potential for pretty grisly symptoms was a possibility at the end...

so she had made the decision to have him stay for a while with us to see if he stabalized some before going home...

This woman has been coming to be with her father daily, while also attempting to balance being a business owner. She has been in tears in my office several times. Very touching, as real as it gets...

So this morning with the news that his passing was a possibility (it is impossible to predict with any certainty) I called her to tell her she might want to come in. She broke apart on the phone...I asked if I could call clegy for her and her father. She told me that would probably be a good idea.

I opened the phone book, and was faced with a huge variety of churches I could call. Not familiar with which church followed which practices (he was non-denominational...) I asked around-with the awareness that having someone show up handling snakes and speaking in tongues, or sacrificing chickens might not be the best thing for them. I found United Church of Christ and called, getting "Pastor Lynn" on the phone. This woman was so kind, and had experience with Hospice before. She was at the facility in 7 minutes, and just pulled a chair up next to our resident-and just started talking to him, holding his hand. When the daughter arrived (after I am sure breaking the sound barrier to get there) the pastor held her too.

Several hours later, I saw the nurse and an aid go quickly to his room. When they came out about 10 minutes later, they both looked at me and shook their heads-he had died.

Not that this is in any way about me-but from my end, it was one time when I felt like I had been able to help in the smallest way. My phone calls have previously come after the fact. This time I was able to facilitate bringing people together at the right time, and it was a good thing...as good as it can be given the circumstances. Seeing her say "daddy.." and lay her head on him when she arrived...when he was still there...

The Twilight Zone of facility work came after the fact. Our fire drills are very loud (ringing, buzzing, scurrying looking for the fake fire whle grabbing extinguishers) and usually are a surprise for everyone. In this case I heard murmers before the fact. I approached our maintenance director to let him know that we had a family in with a recently deceased resident...hoping he would delay the fire drill until at least after the funeral home had come. He told me I should go warn the family.

So I did. I had to tell the very fragile daughter that there was going to be a fire alarm, and the doors were all going to shut quickly and dramatically. So, there she was a few minutes later, trying to go through his drawers and and carefully fold his clothes with shaking hands, her father still in his bed...and then she is surrounded by "DING DING DING BUZZ BUZZ SLAM SLAM"....

I had to just cringe.

She was very gracious considering. Our nurse secured her an order for some anti-anxiety medication before she left, and she hugged us until it was hard to breathe.

It is strange how the absurd and the odd can become almost normal in this kind of environment. We can have residents singing "You Are My Sunshine" in the main dining area with guest musicians on an organ, while our Alzheimer's woman is yelling down the halls "I have to go to the bathroom! I dropped my pillow! Son of a biscuit!"

I wish my desk chair had a seat belt. Or at least a wander guard.