My daughter is coming. I have 8 weeks to de-program her...and invite her to consider that it is okay to want to pursue college, delay marriage and children, pursue a career not typically considered "feminine", get dirty while catching frogs or climbing trees, and have an entire identity that is not defined by any relationship to boys.
Hope I can pull it off.
As I watch the ongoing debates about gay marriage, I am still amazed by the extent to which people really believe that differences between men and women are inherent-as if boys are born with Tonka trucks, and girls with Easy Bake Ovens. Despite so much research to counter the claimes that "children do best when raised by a man and a woman..." (such as evidence that the gender of parents has NOTHING to do with positive outcomes such as completing school, reporting positive self-esteem, avoiding teen pregnancy or drug use...) It is having stable adults in a child's life that appear to be the variable of interest...NOT the gender (or sexual orientation) of the adults.
Gender is a thing that we DO, not a thing that we ARE. It is a "performance", and we are trained to our proper roles from birth. Deviation is punished socially. There are almost NO gender indicators that hold either historically or cross-culturally-but in our culture, those things that we assume are "male" or "female" traits have a taken-for-granted quality. No one even questions most of them.
I would not be on a soapbox about it-if not for the fact that these cultural constructions are used as "evidence" or rationale for limiting equal access...to civil rights, marriage, equal pay, a society where violence against girls and women is not tolerated or considered normal...
It is a world I would like for my daughter. It is another reason that the Jehovah's Witnesses bother me so much...their entire governing body is male, and women do not minister...ever...
My partner of 17 years raised two sons. I am the birth mother but she was very much the other mother and although our relationship ended she continues to parent the adult sons, as do I. Neither of us support marriage to either gender...if gay and lesbian people wish to marry I absolutely think they should have the right to do so. I would prefer to see every relationship honored and every child legitimate no matter the union or gender of partners. BTW, both of our sons are straight and both devoted to civil rights.
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