All up in my colon...yo.

So, it has been a long time since I've written anything publically, that was intended to be seen by anyone more than my friends and family. I'm trying the "freelance" writing thing (code word for 'I'm still broke).

I had to write a LOT in graduate school, and it had to be technically correct. Professors hated when I didn't spel stuff rite. Dammit. I would get my papers back all marked up with red ink. Go figure.

When I started actually TEACHING college (stop laughing) Washington State University (Go Cougs) had initiated a "writing portfolio" program. This is a program whereforeby (hee, hee) every undergraduate had to take a basic exam, and also submit three pieces of writing from their academic adventures before WSU would grant them a degree. These pieces of writing had to be approved by the professor or instructor of the course from which they originated. WSU, apparently, wanted to be sure they were producing literate graduates.

Whatever. All I know is that a lot of MY students wanted to submit papers that they had written for the courses that I had taught. So, I ended up having a whole bunch of students showing up at my office asking me to sign off on these term papers so that they could include them in their writing portfolio. Students and papers that I hadn't seen in several years...and I had to look at them from a whole new grammaristical lens.

Yes, I know I just made up a word. Stop judging.

Anyway, I invested in my own red pen (mine had sparkly ink), and I went to town, quickly discovering that I had no idea what I was doing. And, I still have no idea what I am doing.

For the record, I want to state now that I am fully aware of this. Although I am revisiting the rules of grammar, spelling, and punctuation on a "need to know" basis, I am going to continue to completely offend grammatararian sensibilities. I am going to continue to use creative spelling and to just make shit up when I am lacking a vocabulary word. I am going to continue to completely obliterate the rules of syntax and punctuation. My participles are going to freely dangle, and my tenses are going to have a time/space continuum crisis. Most importantly, I am going to continue to misuse these thingies.........these...thingies....

It isn't because I have no respect for the English language. It is because I'm lazy and ignorant. Duh!

Actually, I am going to take the time to refresh myself on the "rules." I would rather have a sharp stick directly in my eye than do that, but I can't call myself an 'author' (or 'autor' if I'm using the keyboard with no "h" on it) if I don't do the WORK. Blech. Ugh. Gross.

It will probably take me a few years to figure out the appropriate time and manner by which how to properly utilize......these....thingies....so, in the meantime, don't be a hater. Yo.