Fryday the 13th

Oh, what a day. Someone should make a movie or something. "Friday the 13th: Seniors Strike Back."

I hosted a regional Social Work Luncheon at the nursing home.

Social workers from all around the area descended upon our humble little facility. I was to provide lunch, and it was to be in the main dining room-which meant displacing our more able residents to another location for lunch. We solved the dilemma by planning a resident BBQ-and the whole interdisiplinary team came together to poorly plan this chaotic event. Yes, it did take ALL of us create this tear-inducing Kodak moment.

It is important to remember that we are dealing with people with a wide assortment of dietary needs...from swallowing difficulties, to diabetes, to needing sequential prompting to eat and drink due to dementia, to having very particular behavioral needs (also largely due to dementia-as in "I want two cups of coffee and a packet of ketchup in my room...")...and there was also the fact that many of the residents have particular physical needs-so they must face a certain direction to accomodate a stronger arm, or have extra room for a wide wheelchair...

It is a much larger task than just bringing everyone down to a big picnic table and tossing some hotdogs and hamburgers on a plate...

MY attentions were focused on the Social Work luncheon-and I sort of got to see everyone else freak out and get eye ticks from afar...getting a bit testy with each other, nearly colliding wheelchairs...

MY portion began at 9am with a phone call to our local grocery deli to put together sandwich trays. I was promptly told that they were doing a wedding, and couldn't help me. I was technically supposed to be off on Friday the 13th because I am Manager of the Day today (a Saturday). I had arranged to work half days both days so I could do this event.

This news (about the deli trays) prompted me into a flurry of phone calls and a supersonic speed shower to get my ass down there. If our grocery store couldn't do it, and they had the account for us, what should I do then? Could I do Subway? Our business manager attempted to get confirmation from our exective director, but she was in an intense office meeting with our corporate regional director...so I had visions of having a plethora (good word usage here) of social workers showing up-only to serve them from our vending machine. "Ho-Ho's and pretzels for all! Yes! We can accomodate vegetarians!"

My luncheon was to take place just after the residents aet. I went ahead and contacted Subway (without permission) and ordered $80.00 worth of sandwiches. I bolted to the grocery store to buy other crap we needed. It was 100 degrees, my truck has no air conditioning, and it had been sitting in the sun for a few hours. When I got back, I looked like I had ran over a water buffalo.

There I was...

Giant sandwich trays, bags of chips, liter drinks, veggie trays...needing napkins, utensils, ice, cups...me beet red and dripping...OMG....

Coley helped me set up. So did one of the social workers who dared arrive early. I managed to make it up and down the hallway to retrieve needed items and place my face directly on my office air conditioner...even though I was literally DODGING residents who were demanding I take them for smoke breaks, find them sunglasses, report that they want a mole removed, wanting me to fix their TV remote control, asking me to make their bed, wanting to make a complaint about staff, report a concern about chronic diarrhea, help them locate their room, wanting to discuss appropriate lawn watering procedures with me because they see the sprinklers outside, etc. etc. Meanwhile, I was trying to get back to greet arriving guests (me being drenched from the heat, wild-eyed from the stress of competing demands...)

Everyone got seated, and began visiting. Some of them told me to sit down and eat...looking at me with great compassion and pity in their eyes (they are, after all, social workers)...

Things went fine until the fire alarm.

Our alarm has one sensor that is EXTREMELY sensitive. If you even look at it wrong, it will go off. It is near the salon, and hairspray can set it off. It is near the housekeeping closet, and cleaning supplies can set it off. It is near the laundry room, where exhaust from the driers can set it off. It is near a back entrance where incoming dust or car exhaust can set it off...it is on a hallway where there is air. Apparently air molecules can set it off.

Needless to say, I am sure the social workers were impressed with our fire alarm-given the fact that if it is re-set prior to being fully cleared, it will just go off again.

It was re-set prior to being cleared. Three times.

The fire chief showed up.

Our residents were a little over-stimulated by the turn of events. Some wandered into the dining room to hang out with the social workers and say incoherent things at them. "Raspberry is much better than canoeing at the dentist. I have to tinkle." The social workers would nod thoughtfully....

A few left a bit early. (I can't imagine why...)

Anyway...

I attempted to come home with the plan of getting a few movies and a pizza, a curling up for a relaxing night with Coley...

Needless to say, that also went sideways. Coley is still in bed, probably with a headache. The pizza is in the fridge, uneaten. The movies I went to go get are still sitting on the counter. I am sure we will watch them tonight...because today is NOT Friday the 13th.

I am now off to work to be the Head Be-yatch in Charge (HBC). I called a while ago to ask if everything was fine, if there were any crisis. The nurse (a very witty guy) responded "Not yet. Should we create some?" I am going to work to slap him.