My brain had a baby...

How dare my assistant go and create another human being! I have found that to be a real inconvenience-as I am without her for 6 weeks and it is all about me, me, fabulous me...and it turns out she was the obvious brains of the whole operation.

I can't find my forms, and can't keep my dates straight. I forget to load paper in the fax machine. I can't get from one end of a hall to the other without being pounced upon by worried family members in search of missing clothing and residents who dropped their glasses in the ice machine and are fairly certain that they are in a bass fishing competition, and yell things like, "Save me Marshall Dillon! There is a horse in the tree!"

I miss phone calls constantly as I dart around the building attempting to fix roommate problems and soothe siblings at war who blame each other for dad tripping over the lawn ornament and breaking a hip. I write care-plans in halting, interrupted and unfocused moments that I can steal in between interdisciplinary conferences and psychotropic or behavior committee meetings-and attempt to field queries from hospital discharge planners who want to send people to us but fail to mention that they have stage 4 ulcers or like to throw poo.

Without my assistant, I am a big disorganized mess...even though I make lots of lists like my mom taught me...it is just impossible to keep up. Fortunately it is a skilled nursing facility and the nurses can start coffee IV's. I am mainlining Folgers. I might need a 12 step program for this nasty caffeine habit.

But....

My assistant did make a person. A whole little person. Named Emeline. First time mom...

A very good reason for time off, and for me to learn to treat my desk, phone, and the piles of paperwork like a triage.

Happy first mom's day Jaime!