Directional pooping and other signs of animal intelligence...

It's all fun and games until someone puts an eye out.

Or an entire airplane full of passengers plummets to the earth.

Birds can be crafty little airborne suckers. My folks have recently been engaged in a calculated campaign that reminds me of a lively game of chess-minus the board, pieces, or play strategy.

I guess some birds (little "violet green porch poopers") have been trying to nest in a lighting fixture on my parent's porch/deck for several generations now.

Last year there was a nest above the porch light-and my folks watched the wonder of nature unfold before them as the bird parents built their nest, layed their eggs, and then nurtured their eggs to hatchlings and eventual flight. During the extended Animal Planet episode-the birds pooped everywhere, and continuously dive bombed my parents every time they tried to enter or exit their home.

This year they have returned. My dad put a mouthwash bottle above the light to block the nest building process. The birds took to purposeful aimed poop bursts to build a "brace of crap" from the plastic bottle to the wall...so they could continue building. My dad re-positioned the bottle so there would be less room at the sides. The birds just went to the top of the bottle, and began using the bottle cap as a base from which to expand (much like Rome and the empire...eh?)

So, my father placed a plastic bag over the entire thing, and tacked it to the wall-leaving a noisy flap to flutter in the wind. The birds apparently thought it was a wonderful development, and again contiinued building right on top of the bottle cap under big flapping plastic bag tacked to the wall-much like a tent, I suppose.

So, now protected from the elements-thinking my dad is the best thing since sliced bread because they now have fresh breath AND a wind brace- the birds continued their directional pooping maneuvers.

My dad was considering bringing in the big guns...maybe building a scarecrow or something. Of course, then the birds would just be grateful for the company.

Not sure what happened with the whole bird saga, but I would imagine the next generation must be ready for flight by now. Maybe my folks are just going to have to buy more lighting fixtures to accomodate the family reunions and such. Maybe invest in rain slickers and boots so they can enter and exit their own home safely.