Glass Half Full

Please understand...I use this as my own little counselor of sorts. I process things through...talk 'em out to myself..throw them out there for comment (which usually helps me-both those that agree and those that don't)...

But...

The reality is that this thing is read by people we know and care about-so writing personal things is with an awareness that it is akin (at times) to airing dirty laundry-so to speak...

The thing is, I process better when writing, and I am not big on keeping those old family secrets like so many families do...

In the process of processing (yes, I just typed that) the focus may be on the negatives, and the pains..

So I need to process something different too. (I am processing like Velveeta Cheese)

By having invited friends and family to see and comment, I have received some very helpful "invitations to consider" other perspectives. You see, I have indeed had one kind of communication modeled to me my whole life...the "we sit down and talk about everything" approach. My folks held hands, talked to each other all of the time, did everything together, always showed affection..if dad was out of town he would call morning and night to say hello...it probably nauseated everyone within eyeshot or earshot...

So, in my own relationships, I hold that as "normal." Sometimes this happens without realizing that someone else might have a different perspective on what is "normal." I am not a big "shut downer" when I hurt, but a lot of people are. I want to TALK TALK TALK about a problem (insert wretching here), but some folks like to back off and figure things alone first...some will just never really put it on the table, but let it quietly fade into the past...

No, not me.

But that doesn't mean I hold the standard for what is right, or "normal." People speak in different emotional languages, and I need to remember not to interpret everything through my OWN dictionary. That is tough for me to remember. If I interpret silence as "I'm not interested.", that may not be at all what was intended by the silent person. If I interpret taking a drive alone to be "I don't want to be with you..." then I may be doing the same thing.

So, it is like a big pile of negatives accumulating on my blog-my sounding board.

I am in love with my partner, and I think she is wonderful. She is smart, and funny (OMG-she cracks me up), she is loyal, she would rip apart anyone who tried to hurt me...I think she is just beautiful inside and out...but we are different...in fundamental ways...

and so we hit bumps because of that...

and I am trying to learn how she communicates, and how I can get my needs met without suffocating her, and how to balance the difference in personal styles...

I have been unhappy at the moments I have blogged recently. BUT I am overall VERY happy. I do love her. I feel lucky to have her. I love my daughter, I like my job, I live in a nice place and I have my little truck that I always wanted...we have shared goals, and we are actually moving towards them..

So, don't get me wrong. I hurt at times, and often those are the times I need to let my fingers fly on the keyboard. Just gotta figure it out..all of it. Work, parenting, bills, partnership...and it really does help to blog blog blog...