Circumnavigating Ubiquitous Existential Gangsterism....

So, there's this girl I kind of, sorta like a little bit. It turns out that she thinks intelligence is sexy. So, having smarts up in my head like I do, I decided that I needed to impress her with some real big words...and to wear my reading glasses everywhere (hoping that she finds running into doors sexy too)...

At the same time that this circumstantial situationalism was developing, our friend (who I will refer to here as BM, mostly because his initials are BM-and that makes us think of 'bowel movement,' which sets us off into immature fits of giggling) was the target of some vocabulitanarianistic ridiculism. He had no choice but to defend himself. We both outdid ourselves...

It all started when my friend BM sent my friend SE a friend request on facebook. I didn't have time to warn her, and she accepted. So, BM posted this to her wall:

"Hi. My name is Poop. I like long walks on the beach and staring at crystals."

SE: Wow. That's quite a list there, poop. I'm soooo, soooo glad that I accepted your friend request. Soooo glad. Glad.

JN: Oh SE, you didn't...

SE: Glad.

SE: Hahahahahahaaha!

BM: Isn't it THRILLING??!

BM: People of intelligence think I'm the shiznit!

BM: I love me today! Can I get a wut, wut????

SE: You mean people with this kind of intelligence??

BM: ROFLMAO

SE: The last time I had one of these um, new friend requests of a certain type...it lasted about 2 weeks until his 'caretaker' deleted his account. Somehow, I fear I won't be so lucky this time.

BM: I have my caretakers "tied up" right now. Wink. Wink.

So, Bill started it.

...and then came...the words...

"Add, 'I'm dizzy, and I'm pretty sure I strained my sternocleidomastoid' to the list of sentences I never thought I would say. Ever."

KW: How in the blazes did you get that word unwound off your tongue?? Good God, girl. That sprained me brain just trying to read it LOL..

CE: What have you been smoking?

JN: HAHAHAHAHA...yesterday I got litigious about disgruntled pumpkin vaginas and SN asked me what I had been eating...HAHAHAHAHA...

JN: KW, I know...that one hurt. I pulled a hamstring...

BM: My diameter is significant in that it amounts to ulterior dissemination.

BM: I think I just pulled an ass muscle.

BM: JN, get a meme ready.

BM: SE, JN keeps looking at me.

SE: Does she look perplexed?

SE: There's also horrified.

JN: Mortified comes to mind...

BM: She is splendifferously osteoporosis on the califragilistic.

BM: I just crapped myself.

SE: Hahahaaaahaa!!

SE: Osteoporosis..Hahaha!

SE: No offense to anyone suffering from that very debilitating condition. Thereby, therein..litigious...uh..

BM: Ligaments are surely to follow the perpendicular observation that SE has expostulated. My brain is melting.

JN: Ours too, Bill. Ours too.

JN: I think you need your bicarbonate recalibrated.

JN: It's adjacent to your subterfuge.

BM: Does any of this make sense to ANYONE???

KW: I scared cuz yeah, some of this makes sense to my head, but now my brain is primordial soup.

BM: Here we go, KW! It is a preposterous supposition to accentuate the paranomal proclivities of the clavicle intestine.

BM: I didn't want to do this JN.

BM: It is ALL KW's fault. Just sitting here contemplating my naval. And she starts in.

SE: I have NEVER in my life expostulated, BM...NEVER. I can't believe you'd even suggest...phhhffft! PHHHHHFFFT! NEVER!

SE: Clavicle intestine....BM. I'm gonna need to see a diagram.

JN: Oh now, SE...we ALL expostulate from time to time. Just eat more fiber. It will be fine.

SE: Hahaha! You're doing it now.

JN: I knew someone that was in a bike accident and had a clavicle intestine.

JN: Also some politicians.

KW: What is a clavicle intestine? I was afraid to ask.

SE: Hahahaaaaha! Sorry about your friend..Hahaha! And my irreverent laughter..Haha!

SE: KW...BM thinks the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about...don't trust his knowledge of the human anatomy. No.

KW: Thanks SE for enlightening me.

JN: Not to be paranoid, but I think this is all counterintelligence.

KW: Sounds more counter allegiance.

KW: Orrrrrrrrrrr.....

JN: The shin bone connected to the shoulder bone. The shoulder bone connected to the knee bone.

JN: Five car pile up.

SE: The clavicle connected to the intestinal bone.

KW: Black hole. . . . ?

JN: I went to a bar in Castro District called the Intestine Bone.

JN: OK. I made that up.

SE: Deep Six Nine!

KW: I thought it was Deep Space Nine...?

SE: Castro! Yay!

KW: Or are you referring to 69..

JN: Directed by Rush Limbaugh

SE: Starring Ann Coulter.

KW: Aaaaahhhh...SE, I sent you a friend request.

JN: Omg.

KW: What? What?

JN: Send BM one. No, really...heh, heh, heh...

KW: I already did, and he accepted. Called me out right quick after, also...

JN: Bill...you are about to tangle with a poet and you don't know it

JN: Because you are extemporaneously predisposed to existential gangsterism...

DD: Jo, do not let me see that last post again, reposted as something you never thought you'd say.

NOTE: DD (Denise DeSio) is a published author and is kind enough to occasionally take on the tortured task of providing professional editing skills for my horribly mangled online "content"...

SU: Yeah, Jo. Don't do it.

JN: But...but...

SU: NO!

I thought we had, perhaps, all made it through these ridiculous exchanges without anybody needing a trip to the emergency room...and then...on another completely different thread....

BM: I wasn't aware that pumpkins were an amalgamated component to our interrelationship which correlated to the dysfunctional aspect ratio in-vitro risingsauce.

SE: Now you're aware, BM.

BM: GOOD CHRIST!! I think my brain just crapped itself with that last post.

JN: Dysfunctional aspect ratio in-vitro risingsauce?

JN: Wow.

BM: Spectacular.

JN: Philanthropically perpendicular to your interstitial striation circumference.

BM: Are we REALLY going to go there?

JN: Which sequentially creates an irascible stentorian demeanor inspired by my middle phallanges.

JN: Hey, it's your photosynthesis.

NOTE: This is where my retina detached and Denise DeSio's head just exploded...and then...

SE: Good lord, this conversation is HOT!

JN: It is?

SE: Umm, yes.

JN: Well then, you should observationally circumnavigate my centrifuge.

JN: Baby.

SE: Rendered speechless.

All I needed was proper motivation. I mean, you don't have to tell me twice...

In a private message I told her that I was, "Glad to an exponentially infinite proportion of gladness," about the whole thing. Then I told her that I couldn't wait to "allocate her rotunda."

I think I scored some points with the girl...although I have absolutely no idea what we said. I tried to use spell checker and was nearly blinded.

And, I think I may have lost my editor.